


Only One Zombie Plan

by completelyhopeless



Category: DCU
Genre: Angst, Comment Fic, Gallows Humor, Gen, Some Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-13
Updated: 2014-12-13
Packaged: 2018-03-01 08:27:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2766365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/completelyhopeless/pseuds/completelyhopeless
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Other people have zombie plans that are jokes. Dick has one for atonement.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Only One Zombie Plan

**Author's Note:**

  * For [likewinning](https://archiveofourown.org/users/likewinning/gifts).



> For the prompt: _[DCU, Jason Todd/+Dick Grayson, Everyone should have a contingency plan for when the dead rise. Mine is to see my brother again.](http://comment-fic.livejournal.com/554612.html?thread=78140532#t78140532)_
> 
> I still kind of feel that someone more familiar with canon should do real fill for this prompt because mine isn't what it should be. The timeline has to be wrong since I don't know the comics, and while I've seen _Under the Red Hood,_ but that's all the basis I've got for Jason besides fanfics. Gallows humor or not, the first part wants to be funnier than this prompt should be because I have a bent toward crack fic. 
> 
> I confess: I stole/paraphrased Dick's answer about zombie plans from [Red vs. Blue.](http://roosterteeth.com/archive/?id=226&v=more&s=5) I still think that video is hilarious and that is what I think of every time someone says "zombie plan."

* * *

“So, what's your zombie plan, Grayson?”

The joke had been going around the department for a while now, and Dick had heard just about every answer he could stand, some of them more than once. He was too close to losing his temper and knocking out the next person that mentioned zombies. Rohrbach had deflected for him a few times already, not asking him why it bothered him but helping him out anyway because that was what partners did.

Dick didn't know where he got the smile from, how he managed to summon it, but he did, leaning back in his chair. “Which one?”

“One what?”

“Zombie plan,” Dick went on with a false cheerfulness. “I've actually got over fifty of them, you know. At least ten of them involve using you as bait, a body shield, or a weapon. I'm definitely letting them eat you. In one of them, I purposely infect myself and join the other side. Then _I_ eat you.”

“There's something wrong with you, Grayson,” the other detective muttered, and Dick shrugged, letting him walk away. He added a few more notes to his paperwork and grabbed his coat, more than ready to get out of here.

* * *

When he closed the door to his apartment, he leaned against it and closed his eyes.

Zombie plans.

Like that was really something to joke about.

He'd seen too many things close to that in his time as a hero, because in his world, there wasn't much that hadn't been done before, no matter how weird or impossible it might be. He knew of a man who should be a zombie, someone who should have been dead centuries ago but went down into a pit and came back alive again.

He wasn't just angry because he knew zombies could be real.

“I lied, Jaybird,” he whispered into the empty apartment. “There's only one plan for the zombie apocalypse.”

Seeing his brother again. Dick didn't care if Jason came back as a mindless reanimation. He knew that was wrong, but he wanted to see him again, _needed_ to. He needed to say so many things to him, to set right. He would apologize for not being there, for not helping, for allowing it to happen... He would tell Jason how much he'd meant to him, how he'd loved having a brother. How he missed him.

Even telling those truths to a zombie would feel better than the aching knowledge that he could never say them to Jason. His brother was dead.

Dick slid to a seat on the floor. He _wanted_ a zombie apocalypse, damn it. He wanted his brother back.


End file.
